We’ve all had to deal with a toxic workmate. They are like COVID, spreading dissent and discontent [aka, the disease of workplaces] and lowering morale and productivity.
They’re manipulators, gossips gurus, sneaky whiners, persistent backstabbers, blame throwers, and always the victim. They wreak havoc and thrive off the negativity.
Many workplaces don’t deal with them because it’s too in your face, there are rules to follow, and it's hard to catch them out. They're sneaky so their behaviour is 'stuffed down the back of the sofa'.
The toxic workmate then just rinses and repeats, again and again and again, sporting their partiular mix of nastiness. One or two bullies of different shapes, sizes, and levels of nastiness raises the bar to the intolerable. To weather this type of storm while you figure out your next move, seek out people who can help you. You coach is one obvious support person, and others would be your best mate, your boss, and your family.
So, what should you do to stop these creatures affecting your mental and physical health. You need to look after you:
- Don’t get pulled into their mucky mire
- Vacate the space - you don’t have to stay
- Work hybrid - arrange to ‘work from home’ a minimum two days a week
- Surround yourself with positive workmates
- Try to rise above the conversations when they happen
- It’s hard, but try to keep your emotions in check
- If all this fails, leave. There is another and better job and life waiting outside.
So how do you spot a toxic workmate:
Toxic abuse can go unnoticed for a long time because it can be subtle and elusive. Here are some red-flag behaviours so you can pin down unhealthy patterns and identify toxic workmates:
- They are not cooperative
- They rarely tell the truth: you’ll catch them lying
- They are not accountable: they never keep their promises
- They complain about everything
- They play a victim
- They put down, bully, or offend other coworkers
- They always procrastinate
- They pull a third person into the dynamic to draw others into their conflict relationships
- They spread gossip, judge others, and hold grudges
- They have no respect for other people’s boundaries
- They deliberately omit or hide information to obstruct or sabotage your work
- They intentionally undermine the skills and contributions of others
- They are self-centered
- They are passive-aggressive
- They use gaslighting to manipulate and control others
Unfortunately, the toxcity of you workplace can grow to a point where it only attracts those sort of people. I have worked in several of these place and dealth with bullies. A high percentage of my clients have been bullied at one time or other so I know how all-encompassing it can be. There just doesn't seem to be an end insight. Well there is.
If you need some help and someone to talk to who has lived experience, then please start the conversation so we can have a kōrero.
